Alli Stouff-ism

Jon Stewart and Kristen Schaal give examples of how Republicans can link abortions to just about any program they want to de-fund.

• KRISTEN: Our taxes are going to abortions in ways no one is even talking about.
• JON: Well, let's talk about it now. How?
• KRISTEN: Well, for starters, we have to cut funding for fire departments.
• JON: Why would that be?
• KRISTEN: Helllloooo? What if an abortion clinic catches fire, and firefighters put it out, paving the way for more abortions? Abortionist firefighters, paid for with our taxpayer dollars.
• JON: Well that's like saying we need to de-fund the Coast Guard because abortion providers go to the beach.
• KRISTEN: I hadn't even thought of that. But you're right -- no more Coast Guard! Give me another. This is fun.
• JON: F.A.A.
• KRISTEN: Mile-High Club. Number one cause of unwanted pregnancies between Newark and LAX.
• JON: Mining Safety Commission.
• KRISTEN: Mile-BELOW Club.
• JON: Library of Congress.
• KRISTEN: Sexy librarians.
• JON: NASA.
• KRISTEN: Space abortions!
• JON: Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
• KRISTEN: Jon, please. I'm getting pregnant just listening to you.